Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
