I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
