i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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