why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
third nipple confirmed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
