I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
