Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
