I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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