Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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