p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
