You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
