I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
