They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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