forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize