You're earring is so big in my mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
