I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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