Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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