Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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