I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
