Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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