Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
