Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
