My girlfriend figured out who you are.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
