No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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