his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
