If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
