I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
