Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
