hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize