"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
