My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize