Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
