you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
