I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
