so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
