Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
