Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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