Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
