We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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