Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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