I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
