guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
