New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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