Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
