His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize