The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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