I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
