I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
