I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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