I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
