I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
