somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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