I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
