You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
