is your mom at the bar?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
