I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
