he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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