the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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