you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
