i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
