I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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