Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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