This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
