Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
