it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
