Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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