I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
