Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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