I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
