Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
