Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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