pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
