I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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